Joke Of The Day

To her friends said the bright one in chatter,
"I have learned something new about matter;
My speed was so great,
Much increased was my weight,
Yet I failed to become any fatter."

"I love when you buy me cute ties."
"That petite fits you fine. It's your size."
"Your acting is great."
"Your cooking's first rate."
Ah, the charm of those little white lies.
(Madeleine Begun Kane)

Hawaiian Islander singer Don Ho,
Played ukelele, as part of his show;
When his uke broke a string,
He continued to sing;
He's the king of the "A cappella go"!
(Chris Gross)

A vampire who took long vacations
Planned to visit a number of nations.
When told, with regrets,
That he couldn’t take pets,
He replied, “Bats are my blood relations!”

Siamese twins have been met with distaste.
On the Internet they were disgraced.
If you're wondering why
Their respect went awry,
It is simply because they're two-faced.
(Kirk Miller)

Hit a joint in my arm and I cried
When it felt really crazy inside.
If an elbow you hit,
Make no bones about it
'Cause the ulna has a humerus side.
(Kirk Miller)

Executioner left a short note
When he quit, and his words I will quote:
"Like that murderous play
Sweeney Todd, I must say
That this job has become too cut throat."
(Kirk Miller)

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